So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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