Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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