im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
