9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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