Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
