I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
