Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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