Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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