Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
