alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
