She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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