Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
