I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
