There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize