Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
