also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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