Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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