before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
