I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
