I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
