sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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