i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
