HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
