bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
