It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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