Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
