It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
