Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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