dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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