dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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