you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
