Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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