remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
