I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
the raccoons are back...
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