Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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