can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
