He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Come see our sink grown plant.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
