I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
