Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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