So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
