i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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