If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
