I'm laying in your front yard are you home
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
