good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
