I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
