who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
