Umm I'm too high to move.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
