yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
