My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also, beer. Big fan.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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