If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
