I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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