You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
