Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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