no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
