Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
