Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
