i don't like sucking hair
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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