I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
