watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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