I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
