why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
