I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
we should paint friendship bongs
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