You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
