I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
