I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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