i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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