I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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