We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
