Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize