cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize